You Too Can Become A Cosmonaut… Without Leaving Earth

Fourteen Codes Of Conduct To Empower Your Life

How To Speak Like A Cosmonaut

The Greek Origins Of The Cosmonaut

The Modern Origins Of The Cosmonaut

Fourteen Codes of Conduct for the Modern Cosmonaut

  1. Think only for yourself but use the second person pronoun ‘you’ instead of the first person ‘I’. Say ‘You know’ every other sentence just to make sure you are still in contact with reality.
  2. Learn to power-empathize, put yourself in the place of others, at the limit, just use ‘you’ when communicating anything personal
  3. Always be in accord with yourself, believe in your ideas, know what you want.
  4. Don’t judge others, in fact, no need to judge at all, just try to understand and be mindful
  5. Regulate your family like a team at NASA: take parenting classes and set up goals that are S.M.A.R.T. = specific, measurable, achievable, results- focussed, and timely.
  6. Hire a nanny to watch your children while you find a job, any job, in the shiniest and highest building in the city
  7. It does not really matter which job, since your feet are not touching the ground, you can introduce yourself as an ‘artist’, ‘the boss’, or ‘president’ even though you may do nothing more than perform a low-level function
  8. Name drop that you have met a few stars in your celestial orbit
  9. Try to speak as much as possible out of your nose: this makes it look like you are heavenly since your lips don’t move; high-pitched quacks and ‘fried-English’ are often effective for signaling over long distances
  10. Take up yoga and practice a non-western religion like Buddhism so you can detach from any earthly culture or function by universalizing your self in meditating on nothing
  11. Change your sex, your life, your face, get as much plastic surgery as it takes to make you feel good and resemble nothing on earth; remember nothing is impossible, you are timeless, immaculate in your conception
  12. Don’t eat a body, eat the soul and essence: eat bio, gluten-free, vegan, purified science-based foods so you can take control of your destiny and be empowered
  13. When in public, wear reflective sunglasses and wireless earplugs that connect to a mobile phone, then walk down the street, not acknowledging anyone else while texting and speaking into the air just to make sure you are in touch with ground control.
  14. Puff yourself up big, imagine you are inside a spacesuit, aspire to become the best version of yourself.

How To Avoid A Crash



Researcher in le temps perdu: sex, race, ethics, the clinic, logic, and mathematics. Founder and analyst at PLACE

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Researcher in le temps perdu: sex, race, ethics, the clinic, logic, and mathematics. Founder and analyst at PLACE