I like writers like Amy Torres for making it plain why narcissism is so little understood today.

So, I am confused from the beginning. Just what is this “healthy sense of self” that, I must suppose, exists? Is it something we all have? Is there really any way of defining this at all?

I cannot find one definition or even description in your article. Am I missing something?

I find descriptions of the nasty psychopath, the overt narcissist, the sly covert narcissist, the closet, and failed narcissist, but no description at all of Mr. and Mrs. Healthy and Normal. But are they not the real problem?

I will try to make this clear: the only trace we have of a “healthy sense of self” are the pronouns in the article, it is the ‘You’ and the ‘We’, the readers who, I guess, must be assumed to be not narcissistic. <<Since you’re reading this, you’re probably one of these people. Which is why I want to warn you about covert narcissists.>>

Now, I get it, ‘You’ people seeking advice are normal and those ‘others’ being described are abnormal. That is convenient.

But it still leaves the problem open of how to describe John and Betty Normal (and Innocent) before all these bad people hurt them.

My wager is this: if you try to describe this ‘You’ and ‘We’ hovering over such stories, this John and Betty Normal will be no better than the narcissists. In fact, they risk being a lot worse and deceptive since a truly covert narcissism would never reveal itself: s/he would just pretend to be normal while calling all the others abnormal.

The paradox of narcissism is that the mirror never reflects back well enough.

The Self, from the beginning, is deceptive, no need to try to classify others as psychopaths, overt narcissists, etc. , etc.. For with a second look, and a closer read, it is this ‘healthy sense of the self’ that is the fraud.

I think I understand now…

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